Most professional writing (the type you see in major newsmagazines) is tight; most legal writing isn’t. You want a tip on tightening? After you have a fairly polished draft, look at the last line, half-line, or quarter-line of every paragraph. Play with the paragraph to try to shorten it by one line. It’s a little editorial game you can play, and it works. An example:
A few cases tend to suggest that if a plaintiff’s own inexcusable neglect was responsible for the failure to name the correct party, an amendment substituting the proper party will not be allowed, notwithstanding that adequate notice has been given to the new party. Although this factor is germane to the question of permitting an amendment, it is more closely related to the exercise by the trial court of discretion under Rule 15(a) about whether to allow the change than it is to the satisfaction of the requirements of notice pursuant to Rule 15(c).
So we try to save half a line with a little tinkering:
A few cases tend to [Some cases] suggest that if a plaintiff’s own inexcusable neglect was responsible for [caused] the failure to name the correct party, an amendment substituting the proper party will not be allowed, notwithstanding that adequate notice has been given [despite adequate notice] to the new party. Although this factor is germane to the question of permitting an amendment, it is more closely related to the exercise by the trial court of discretion [trial court’s discretion] under Rule 15(a) about whether to allow the change than it is to the satisfaction of the requirements of notice pursuant to Rule 15(c) [Rule 15(c)’s notice requirements].
The changes here: 5 words to 2; 3 words to 1; 7 words to 3; 5 words to 3; and 5 words to 3. Let’s see the result:
Some cases suggest that if a plaintiff’s own inexcusable neglect caused the failure to name the correct party, an amendment substituting the proper party will not be allowed, despite adequate notice to the new party. Although this factor is germane to the question of permitting an amendment, it is more closely related to the trial court’s discretion under Rule 15(a) about whether to allow the change than it is to the satisfaction of Rule 15(c)’s notice requirements.
Then we can polish a bit more:
Some circuits have suggested that if a plaintiff has failed to name the correct party through inexcusable neglect, an amendment substituting the proper party is not allowed, even with adequate notice to the new party. Although the degree of neglect is germane to the question of permitting an amendment, it is more closely related to the trial court’s discretion under Rule 15(a) about whether to allow the change than it is to the satisfaction of Rule 15(c)’s notice requirements.
We’ve gone from five and a half lines to four and a half. The passage is much tighter, and it reads better. So try this exercise—cutting words here and there within a paragraph to save your last line.
For further reading:
Garner, Legal Writing in Plain English 36–38, 50–52, 162–64 (2d ed. 2013).
Garner, The Redbook: A Manual on Legal Style 362–63 (3d ed. 2013).
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